Advice to Calista: Don't Get Sick

Newt’s inexplicable excuse for his serial adultery was that he loved his country so much and worked such long hours it caused him to make “poor decisions.” By that logic every time Newt was doing it with a mistress, he was really just demonstrating his patriotism. (Curiously, when Newt left wife #1, she was seriously ill and the same was true with wife #2. The moral: If you marry Newt, don’t get sick.)