Newt Wants to Make Moon 51st State

On Wednesday former House Speaker Newt Gingrich proposed his vision for space development, including having a U.S. base on the moon. Ultimately he'd like the American Empire to expand with the moon becoming the fifty-first state. The US military is already in over one hundred countries but apparently that's not enough.

Newt didn't give specifics on how he'd pay for this venture or how the rest of the world might feel about the U.S. claiming the moon. I admit I once thought about a similar idea, but only after smoking pot.

Lastly, here's a thought about a Gingrich presidency. Newt claims to be a historian, so consider this. If the Newtster were to be elected and move into the White House, that would make Calista the only First Lady who had also been a mistress

Romney Can't Buy One

If you think you had a rough week, look at the one Mitt Romney just experienced. At a debate he was booed when he hesitated about his tax returns. Then the GOP announced that Rick Santorum was the official winner in Iowa, despite the fact that Romney outspent him by a mere 50 to 1.

But for a man who’s been chasing the presidency for six years, the crushing blow came on Saturday when Willard got trounced in S. Carolina by Newt Gingrich. Adding insult to injury, a few days before Sarah Palin had said “If I were a S. Carolinian I’d vote for Newt.” (Ouch!) And on Tuesday Romney’s predicted to lose in Florida to Gingrich again. It looks like he can’t buy one. Literally. Poor Willard. So rich, so close, so far.

Newt the Anti-Goldwater

As reported in the American Conservative Magazine, Newt is referred to as the “anti-Goldwater.” Whereas “Goldwater was the principled guy who couldn’t win but built a movement, Newt is the unprincipled guy who can’t win and might smash that same movement.” And Romney is too moderate for the Tea Party and a candidate who’s flip-flopped on so many issues he’s a political trampoline.

An Open GOP Convention?

Former RNC Chair, Michael Steele, puts the odds at 50-50 of an open Republican Convention in August. (As opposed to an open marriage.) This means that someone not currently running could be the ultimate nominee. One name put forward is Jeb Bush, except that would bring up memories of his older brother. (Cue the ominous music.) Notice at the debates how nobody ever brings up W.

With the idea of an open convention, I suppose it could be worse. Nobody’s suggested Sarah Palin. Yet. Poor Willard. So rich, so close, so far.

Advice to Calista: Don't Get Sick

Newt’s inexplicable excuse for his serial adultery was that he loved his country so much and worked such long hours it caused him to make “poor decisions.” By that logic every time Newt was doing it with a mistress, he was really just demonstrating his patriotism. (Curiously, when Newt left wife #1, she was seriously ill and the same was true with wife #2. The moral: If you marry Newt, don’t get sick.)

Newt's Candidacy is like Sour Milk

In 1997 a GOP controlled Congress voted 395 to 28 to reprimand and fine Newt $300,000 for ethics violations. In 1998, Newt resigned in disgrace. How fourteen years later he’s considered a viable presidential candidate beats me. That’s like putting sour milk back into the refrigerator hoping it’ll taste better later.